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Published on PsychCentral, 31st January 2017

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Mental Health Ditch The Stigma
Published on The Huffington Post, 19th July 2016

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How-to-Make-Your-Life-Better-Without-Ruining-It

Published on Having Time, 11th July 2016

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self-beliefs

Published on Soul Analyse, 16th May 2016

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Published on TinyBuddha 1st March 2016

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Admit it – it’s crossed your mind that you just may be the world’s worst candidate for proving the Law of Attraction.

You put total faith into your belief that you were going to attract what you were thinking about. You wholeheartedly embraced the destiny that was coming your way – whether that was a horde of high-paying coaching clients, being snapped up by a big publisher, getting speaking gigs in front of big audiences. Or even just being able to anticipate monthly bill time without an impending sense of doom.

On top of all that, you didn’t just sit around waiting for things to happen. You strangled your fear, put yourself out there and made yourself visible. You got everything in place ready for that big moment arriving. You invested a ton of money and time into self-improvement. You religiously stamped out all the negative voices and kept your energy high in the face of skeptics and naysayers (many of whom were probably less enlightened close family and friends). You even bought yourself a whole new wardrobe for the destiny that was about to come knocking (for everything else there’s Mastercard, right?)

And what happened? A whole load of nothing. The silence was deafening. The phone never rang. Nobody was rushing to respond to you on Facebook, or to retweet your messages on Twitter. Your calendar stayed empty. And on top of all the worries you had before, you now have to deal with the overwhelming sense of loss you experienced when you put everything you had into what you were doing, with a total sense of faith and expectation – and then that done deal you thought you had with the Universe vanished like fog in the morning.

To add insult to injury, some well-meaning (or self-interested) person will tell you there was a problem with your beliefs. Your money story is flawed. You have an underlying fear of fame or fortune that you haven’t dealt with. You didn’t have enough faith, enough energy, enough of the right vibration … or whatever. In other words, there’s something wrong with you.

Before you start carrying out a post-mortem on every negative thought that crossed your mind, and coming down on yourself like a ton of bricks because you remember a few times when your thinking strayed off-track, which just may be the reason your train derailed itself – you might want to consider another explanation.

I’m a self-confessed scientist and sceptic. I want proof for everything. I want to know how it all works, and why. But I took my own sabbatical from logic and went down the whole go-with-the-flow route myself at one time – because after all, to me, everything is science, and what fellow scientists have dismissed as “woo-woo” is just science that we don’t understand yet. I try to keep an open mind, and I was quite willing to embrace the possibility that I should be working in this way.

I got a wake-up call when something I really wanted, that I’d put heart and soul into, didn’t work out for me. It was nothing to do with money, my business or my network, but it was something that I really wanted, something self-defining for me. I put in all the work for it, and it didn’t happen. More than that, I put in all the belief – I was 110% certain that this thing was already in place, I was just waiting for it to arrive. And when it didn’t, it was shattering.

So, after I’d picked up the pieces, I started looking at how I felt and how I could move forward. And I figured out that the thing I found the hardest was that I had totally believed that this was going to happen, and it didn’t. The Universe hadn’t delivered, in spite of all my efforts, and in spite of all my faith. That’s a real kicker. In fact, it was way harder for me than if I’d done it in my good old-fashioned way of putting it all on myself to deliver. It was kind of like expecting an amazing present from your loving parents at Christmas, and getting a lecture on how I had too much stuff already instead.

And so from there, I considered my options. I also took a good, long, HARD look at what had happened to me and to my world since I started handing over a large proportion of responsibility for delivery to a third party. The conclusion that I came to was that my results had actually gone down.

As someone who went from a lot to a little (financially and emotionally) and then clawed my way back up a big hill of challenges to get to where I wanted to be, I’d achieved a lot. And since I embraced being more passive, less resistant – my achievements had declined. I still had the boat. I’d just given the oars away. And you know what? Since I’ve taken them back, things are moving in the right direction again.

You see, the problem with the Law of Attraction, and this whole feminine energy approach, is that it’s no more successful as a whole that masculine energy was. At one time, we shut out the feminine and embraced only masculine values. That led to a whole lot of burned out people trying to be something they were not. But now that we’re gone the other way, it’s leading to a whole lot of introspecting people who think that everything’s going to fall into place for them if they can just fix this mystic connection. And that doesn’t work either. I believe in polarity – and denial of either the masculine or the feminine leads to a solution which is not whole.

I have enough friends in the industry to know that someone’s going to tell me at this point that things only work out for me when I’m fighting for them because I had it tough, and my expectation is that I will always need to fight. I disagree. I’m not silly enough to want things to be difficult when they could be easy – who’d want that? I believe that the problem is that by handing over responsibility for delivering our solutions to a higher power, we’re disempowering ourselves.

Other people are going to tell me that this a karmic lesson, that there’s some reason my big desire (call it a lifetime desire if you like, it’s that big a deal to me) did not arrive. Again, I disagree. Maybe I did learn something from that. If I did, I learned that the final responsibility for delivery comes down to me. And with that decision, I took my power back – and I’m fighting for the thing I desire.

So, like all of you, I’m still out there on an ocean of stuff that is out of my control – but one thing’s for sure. I have the oars, and I have the steering. And if the currents also want to be kind – I’ll be grateful for all the help that’s on offer.

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